Christmastime Is Not Here

Christmastime Is Not Here

Audio

Em Working late at the end of the year

D It’s dark when work is through

C Dinner rush goes by fast

B7 Another year comes due

Lights are up on the stores in town

Tree is in the square

Old carols could make grown men cry

Jingle bells fill the air

No lights up at home this year

No room for a tree

Don’t have much, not much to give

Not much for presents this year

Chorus:

Em Christmas

D Christmastime

C Christmas time is

B7 Christmastime is not here

Everyone’s asking are you ready for Christmas

I don’t see what’s the rush

One bad day isn’t enough

Gotta poison the whole month

Be better off without

Moldy old memories

Scrooges and humbugs are the only ones

Not putting a bow on their pain

Someone at school told the kid there’s no Santa

Maybe it’s better this way

He was asking why we don’t have a chimney

And where Santa would land his sleigh

Alternate Chorus:

Em Santa

D Santa Claus

C Santa Claus is

B7 Santa Claus is not real

Dad is in the nursing home

Mom’s crying over old photos

We’ll go brush the leaves off a small gravestone

Someone who won’t be coming home

If you weren’t doing great

At this time of year

Now it seems you’re doing worse

In contrast to all the holiday cheer

The winos and boozers seem normal now

The drunks are staying drunker

But sorrows aren’t staying drowned

All that you swallowed is not staying down

Chorus

Poor kids seem poorer

The food pantry collections

And coat drives don’t seem to be helping

Not when surrounded by dreams of perfection

Trying to bring Christmas to the whole world

Is like filling the sea

One teardrop at a time

When you look at all the want and the need

The want and the need seem bottomless

When it starts at home

The empty heart’s got nothing to give

Seems better to be alone.

Chorus

Colorado and Back

This song is about traveling to Colorado and back with my kids. We camped along the way with my friend and her kids, and when we got to Colorado we stayed in a huge beautiful house in the mountains with 20+ of my old friends and their families.

Colorado and Back Audio

In a KOA campground, in Goodland, Kansas
Last town before Colorado
Not as dark as you’d think
In a cheap tent from Walmart
Under the covers and hundreds of stars

Chorus:
That’s when I knew
If I didn’t already
Know that I love you
I always knew you’d love me
I never wondered
Some things just turn out the way they should be

Colorado is calling
For the end to this flatness
Even the pioneers knew
This flatland couldn’t go on forever

But I’m in no hurry
Cuz I’m here with you
And we can ride on 70 West
Til it’s not fun anymore

Chorus: That’s how I knew…

Throw up the tent
When the spirit moves us
It won’t matter where or when or how
Because I’m with you

We stopped for ice cream, and fireworks
Right on the border
We stopped to walk but it turned
Into a climb

Chorus: That’s when it hit me...

Packed up the tent real quick
Cuz it started to spit
Got back on the road to Colorado

In a houseful of best friends
You’re still my favorite
I would wander the perfect mansion
Discontent until I found you

It was near midnight
In Salina, Kansas
When we gave up and stopped at a Holiday Inn
And your sleepy eyes lit up

Chorus: That’s when it hit me…

Rather

Rather

Rather Audio

When I close my eyes I see

Your knuckles and your knees

I see you everywhere

On the license plate in the car in front of me

On the signs and on the street

And on the TV

I’d rather walk to the moon and back

Than keep picking up your slack

I’d rather walk to the bottom of the sea

Than wait for you to really love me

Chorus

I’d rather never see you again

I never want to see you again.

I gotta get you out of my system.

I never want to hear from you again

I gotta get you out of my system.

When I close my eyes I see

The way you used to look at me

I see you in my dreams

That’s how I know you still think of me

I’d rather walk across the ocean floor

With an anchor chained to my ankle

I’d rather face the dark side of the moon

Than a lifetime chained to you

Chorus

When I close my eyes I see

15 years between you and me

We’ve changed and yet the past is still the same

And our love is still my shame

I’d rather fill my lungs with the salty sea

Than taste one more tear from you to me

I’d rather wipe my memory clean

Than keep anything that you give to me

Chorus

When I close my eyes I see

What could have been between you and me

I see our children growing old

And your heart staying just as cold

I’d rather kill what could have been

Than face your walled off eyes again

I’d rather snuff the fire in the dark

Than live a love without a spark

Chorus

Didn't Know

Didn't Know

Didn't Know Audio

I think of all the women I know

And there’s one who comes to mind

She’s a lot like you and me

She’s lost her goddamn mind

Maybe you know her, She lives around here

She’s a friend of mine

On the surface she’s doing well

She says she’s doing fine

Chorus

I didn’t know

That’s how it could go

Til she told me so

She has a family and a job

Her house is pretty nice

I don’t mean to say she never smiles

She can have a good time

She says, I think of the girl that I was

And all I left behind

The weight of innocence I’m not

The girl I left behind

Chorus

I didn’t know

That’s how it could go

Til she told me so

Maybe it was there all along

Just a seed inside

And when the storm soaked the field

It was just a matter of time

Kids are asking but her man doesn’t have a clue

Says it’s not my fault

She never said anything

She kept it all under lock

Chorus

I didn’t know

That’s how it could go

Til she told me so

She says, I think of all the women I know

And those I left behind

I think of the girl that I’m not

And the one still inside

The Mind

The Mind

The Mind audio

I'm so tired of being unhappy

and there's no one else I can tell

Because everyone else is so full of theyself

They can't hear how I'm going through hell

I got a crick in my neck like a lock.

I haven't smiled for real since last week.

And even then was it an evil grin

Or was I smiling through tears.

Chorus

The mind it is a prison cell

And a cave in the dark with no map

And a game that I'm in that I don't want to win

And a magical fantasy realm.

I wake up to a list of shit I don't want to do

I'm behind and I'm late and I'm lost

Why even begin a game you don't want to win?

The prize is not worth the cost.

Because the mind it is a prison cell

And a cave in the dark with no map

And a game that I'm in that I don't want to win

And a magical fantasy realm

Where there's angels and daemons and devils

And dragons and witches and war

And centaurs, demigods, 12 year old heroes 

In a battle against cruel power.

I got forms to fill out and people to pay.

My day is over before it starts.

I'm locked up on one side. I've lost the will to try

But they say take heart, take heart.

Because the mind it is a prison cell

And a cave in the dark with no map

And a game that I'm in that I don't want to win

And a magical fantasy realm

Where there's angels and daemons and devils

And dragons and witches and war

And centaurs, demigods, 12 year old heroes 

In a battle against cruel power

Where the weak ones learn their own strength

And are saved by unlikely friends

And the path that you take determines your fate

Which you can't know until the end.

Opposites

Opposites

This song plays with the idea that opposites attract and the idea of one of the couple referring to the other as "my better half."

Some of these listed below aren't opposites at all, but I think that's part of the fun of it. This may come across as painful, but it is a love song.

  Audio

C#  C#FG#C#

G#  D# G# C

A#  A# C# F A#

F#  C# F# A#

C# G#

You’re black and white and I’m shades of gray

A# F#

You want it all now, I’m saving for a rainy day

You think you’re such a badass, I know you’re a softy

You think my ivory tower’s crumbling, I think it’s still lofty

Chorus:

C#    G# A# F#

You are perfect for me and I am perfect for you

F# A# G# F#

Opposites, opposites, do they really attract?

Who is to say who is the better half?

Stop judging me. Why does it gotta be

Two sides of any coin? Tired of dichotomy.

You think I’m good looking and I don’t see it

I see something in you if you’d just try to be it

You think you’re so smart, I know I’m a genius

There’s nothing about this that’s convenient

Chorus

You think I’m illogical but you don’t understand

Intuition isn’t something you’re going to find in a man

I hate doing dishes, you hate it even more

You and your damn coupons and I’m keeping score

Chorus

Opposites, opposites, do they really attract?

Who is to say who is the better half?

Stop judging me. Why does it gotta be

Two sides of any coin? Tired of dichotomy.

You act without thinking. I think too much.

I like to drink but you drink too much.

You’re too honest, I like to lie

I drive you crazy I wish you would die

Chorus

Dark Thing

Dark Thing

I wrote this as a poem first and then a year or more later put it to music. I originally envisioned this as a poem for kids where they could explore something dark and scary in simple, rhyming language. But perhaps it got a little too dark for kids. Sorry kids, but "gin" was just too easy to rhyme! I still envision this as a children's picture book.

When I was looking for a chord progression, I was looking for something that sounded dark and yet magical. Fans of T-Pain may recognize these chords as 5 O'Clock in the Morning.
😂

Dark Thing Audio

There’s a thing that is dark in the ocean

Though I have been wanting to snore

The thing in the dark of the ocean

Gives an under-wild seawater roar

I am wanting to sleep by the ocean

Listen to drownings in gin

I am looking for peace by the ocean

And wanting to wade deep on in

It is dark and I’m starting to question

My thoughts and my fears, and I grin

When the dark thing rises out of the ocean

With fangs and wet scales made of tin

I quake wet with sand and stiff wind

It is tall as the wave of God’s hand

The waves suck the bottoms from under my feet

Drawing out to the sea where I stand

There’s the thing in the sea that is dark

Here is me losing ground as I stand

The wind and the waves and the thing much more brave

Pouring off oceans and sand

A step to the sea would be madness

I can’t stay and can’t go on in

I am needing to sleep by the ocean

Near its waves and my bottle of gin

I think safe behind of my loved ones

They call me soundlessly home

I need to sleep by the ocean

Dark thing or no I postpone.

Dark is the sky, dark the waves,

And darker still the sand

But the thing rising out of the ocean

Is the darkness of death, understand?

I go to my home, rush inside

Deplore the stale settled air

The sea calls to me, the dark thing I fear

Is my friend though it kills those who dare

Nowhere is home to the sealost

Though there is home for the brave

Nowhere is home when dark seawater laps

At your toes while you stand, staring, stay...

Charlie

Charlie Dog

This is about our dog Charlie. For a long time, I kept saying I was going to write a country song with the line "my dog's best friend is a dead armadillo." We have a lot of armadillos passing through and not all of them survive. Charlie has been known to let them ripen and leatherize in the sun, and although he is a killer, he handles these armadillo treats with seeming affection. 

For a long time I was stuck on that one line. Thanks to Cecily for some of the rhymes in the first stanza that cracked this song open.

My dog’s best friend is a dead armadillo

Sleeps with him by the old weeping willow

Uses him as a beef jerky pillow

Charlie’s real friendly

Charlie’s girl, well she’s called Girlie

She scares real easy, so don’t get surly

Go real easy and go to bed early

Charlie loves Girlie

Chorus:

Oh Charlie, Oh Charlie, Oh Charlie, Oh Charlie dog

Charlie kills bunnies, cats, and racoons

Girlie sniffs them out and he brings them right to you

Leaves them lying in the yard like a reproof

Charlie’s a killer

Charlie likes to sing and I ain’t foolin

Play him the fiddle and he’ll sing you a tune

Howls at the moon and he’ll howl at you too

Charlie’s a singer

Chorus

Bet you wonder how Charlie got his name

There was a little boy of Youtube fame

Finger in his brother’s mouth and guess his name

That baby brother was named Charlie

What happened next took the boy by surprise

Brother Charlie bit down - youtube these guys

The boy looked at his finger with big eyes

Said Charlie bit my finger

Chorus

Well our Charlie’s bad, but not like that

Little kids can climb on him, he keeps sleeping like a cat

Pull his long floppy ears and he does not react

But that’s why he’s named Charlie.

I love Charlie, and Charlie loves me

We’ve all said it and we’re happy as can be

Charlie and Girlie and one more would make three

Oh, hell no

Chorus

Parenting Songs

Songs About Parenting

Yeah Well

This is a song about talking to my 13-year old -- things I have said or thought about saying.

Yeah Well Audio

C    Yeah well good luck

G    I tried and I failed

Am And I’ll get up tomorrow

Em And try again

Dm Knowing I can’t fix it

Dm7 And I haven’t changed

F But maybe tomorrow

G We can do it all again

C Yeah well I know

G There’s no way you can understand

Am Because you’re still young

Em And you’re not yet a man

Dm But maybe tomorrow

Dm7 I’ll try again

F To explain what I can

G Of this crazy game

C Yeah well that’s one

G Coping mechanism

Am No worse than most, in fact

Em Right now I can’t think of a better one

Dm So laugh it off

Dm7 And maybe tomorrow

F I will learn to

G Laugh it off with you

C Yeah well life sucks

G And then you die

Am Least that’s what I say

Em When I’m tired of trying

Dm I know you’re not like me

Dm7 But I’d rather you lie

F Go down with a smile

G And tomorrow we’ll try again

C Yeah well if I fall asleep right here

G Don’t wake me up

Am I don’t want to think about how

Em I haven’t changed in all these years as your mom

Dm Though I’ve tried and failed

Dm7 And tomorrow I’ll try again

F I wish you the best of luck or if not / better luck than I had and

G The will to try again

I Tried 

This is a song about my 5-year-old having a meltdown on the sidewalk in front of the Deli. He had trouble choosing an ice cream flavor and I thought I got him what he wanted but it turned out not to be what he wanted. I thought I could save the outing and bring him back but it didn't go well and I yelled a lot in the car ride home. I regret being so mean about it. When we got home, I went straight to the piano and vented. I wish I could sing this song the venty way I feel about it, but the notes are too high for me to do that.

  Audio

I tried to fix it, I swear that I tried

I tried to take you back again inside

I know that you are saying that you’re shy

You don’t have to tell anyone but me,
don’t have to tell anyone but me, just me, just me

Chorus:

I really love you

You know it’s the truth

I do it all for you

But I’m through the roof

You’re messing with my love

These scars are the proof

But, I’ll do it again, and again, and again

I tried to pick you up from that sidewalk

You cried so hard you couldn’t even talk

I tried to give you space to feel your feelings

I could have laid there with you and cried,
could have laid there with you and cried and cried and cried

Chorus

I love you so my heart’s tangled in you

I want to give you everything you want

I don’t know if that would be good for you

I hate to hurt you, hate to make you cry,
hate to hurt you, hate to make you cry and cry and cry

I vented my whole bad day on you

I blamed you for everything I don’t have

I don’t have any good left inside

But I’ll try and try and try and try and try, etc.

Chrous

Brothers

This is the first song I wrote in January 2018. I was just playing around with the kids and did not think this was the start of anything.

I have 3 boys and it's definitely about them. There was a time I knew which verse was about which one, but it has gotten a little fuzzy. My 6-year-old recently asked me who was the one who died, I said I don't know, it's just a made-up story.

They say he ruins all their fun but please don’t make me laugh

Of all the fun you ever had, he more’n accounts for half

 

Brothers, brothers, there’s no easy way to say

You’re brothers, and brothers, that won’t just go away.

 

They say he had no self-control but I know that ain’t true

He held his tongue and shut his mouth although he’s turning blue

 

Brothers, brothers, the pain that they cause

Brothers, brothers, it really gives you pause

 

They say he’s mean as a snake but I know that’s a lie

He never said he hated them, he just wished they would die.

 

Brothers, brothers, they’ll tear themselves apart

Brothers, brothers, you’ll break your mother’s heart

 

Where there were three, now there are two cuz one has gone away

He left his brawling, spiteful home, he said he could not stay

 

Because brothers, brothers, say there ain’t enough for all.

Oh brothers, brothers, you used to have it all.

 

Where there were two, now there is one cuz one’s cruel wish came true

He wished his brother’d up and die, oh what’s a ma to do?

 

Brothers, brothers, I know that you must fight

But brothers, my boys, please don’t give in to spite.

 

Where there was one, now there are none cuz brothers, it takes two

An only child can’t be a brother, no matter what he may do.