Winter of Our Bitterness

Audio

 

I vent the wind to feel the cold again.

Never knew a winter to feel like this.

Why would we ever agree to live like this?

Those first few days promised summers of bliss

But this is the winter of our bitterness.

The seed of frost was in the first kiss

But who could have ever known it would end up like this.

I knew, I knew, I knew like snowflakes flew

Sideways, in my face. I know it’s not just the taste.

It is the bite, it is how much you give 

When I press you between these old bones called my teeth.

It is the look when I walk in the room.

Do I light up your eyes or do they fall like icicles 

do?

Those first few days promised summers of bliss

But this is the winter of our bitterness.

The seed of frost was in the first kiss

But who could have ever known it would end up like this.

 

You knew, you knew. I told you all. You knew too.

Sideways, to your face. This is a huge mistake.

I don’t want to know what you think of me

Or if you look at me what do you see

I wish you’d freeze. I would shatter you with a blow.

I’d leave you silent. You’d melt long after I 

go.

Those first few days promised summers of bliss

But this is the winter of our bitterness.

The seed of frost was in the first kiss

But who could have ever known it would end up like this.

 

You knew, I knew. We knew like snowflakes flew

Sideways, in our face. This is a goddamn disgrace.

I have given to you all of these years.

All you are getting from me is more icicle 

tears.

Leaving Boston

Audio

 

I was living in a big drafty house

One room on the second floor

The rest of the rooms let by queer folk

One or two behind every door

It was cold that winter, bitterly

Froze the noses off the faces

Of waiters and waitresses

Walking to the T, rushing to catch the T

Started to know this city’s not for me 

When even the waitresses were PhDs

I don’t want to compete. I just want to leave

I just want to leave

Between the creeping cold and the drudgery,

The lonely jobs that didn’t fit me

I was looking to leave. I was looking to leave

The misfit jobs that didn’t fit me

Leaving Boston

The sweet South calling me

Just needed someone to follow

Needed someone to lead

Someone with a fire in their belly

Someone to follow

Someone to lead

I was walking out into the street

The middle of Mass Ave in the middle of the week

One stop from Harvard Square

I was ready to go anywhere

In this city of geniuses

Even the waitresses

Are PhDs, I don’t want to compete

I just want to leave

I’m looking for less concrete

I am looking for trees

Too many people if you need the T

I’m looking for space where I can breathe 

What I Believed Last November

Audio

 

I throw myself down onto the grass and lie

I throw myself into the arms of a tree and hang on as the wind comes rushing by

I press my heart into the ground and hang on as the world goes spinning around

I don’t believe in anything but I know the dirt is real

The tree in my grasp and the wind I can feel

I turn my face to the sun and hide from the cold

I remember nothing before I was born and I know I’m growing old

I believe birdsong in spring makes the heart leap 

The lullaby of a baseball game on the radio on a midsummer’s night lulls you to sleep

Cicadas mean the end of summer

The cry of a bird of prey on a winter’s day only pierces the lonely

I believe in endless cups of tea

And a simple meal’s the best way to warm your belly

Failing that is laughter

Or a drink and a smoke and taste you won’t remember til after

Endless cups of tea

Things that you can feel and taste, things that you can see

If that makes somebody sad it’s just because they want you to have what they have

Cinnamon and woodsmoke

Fresh mint leaves crushed between the teeth

Dinner on the stove, fresh baked bread

Kissing the top of a sleeping baby’s head