Winter of Our Bitterness

Audio

 

I vent the wind to feel the cold again.

Never knew a winter to feel like this.

Why would we ever agree to live like this?

Those first few days promised summers of bliss

But this is the winter of our bitterness.

The seed of frost was in the first kiss

But who could have ever known it would end up like this.

I knew, I knew, I knew like snowflakes flew

Sideways, in my face. I know it’s not just the taste.

It is the bite, it is how much you give 

When I press you between these old bones called my teeth.

It is the look when I walk in the room.

Do I light up your eyes or do they fall like icicles 

do?

Those first few days promised summers of bliss

But this is the winter of our bitterness.

The seed of frost was in the first kiss

But who could have ever known it would end up like this.

 

You knew, you knew. I told you all. You knew too.

Sideways, to your face. This is a huge mistake.

I don’t want to know what you think of me

Or if you look at me what do you see

I wish you’d freeze. I would shatter you with a blow.

I’d leave you silent. You’d melt long after I 

go.

Those first few days promised summers of bliss

But this is the winter of our bitterness.

The seed of frost was in the first kiss

But who could have ever known it would end up like this.

 

You knew, I knew. We knew like snowflakes flew

Sideways, in our face. This is a goddamn disgrace.

I have given to you all of these years.

All you are getting from me is more icicle 

tears.

Leaving Boston

Audio

 

I was living in a big drafty house

One room on the second floor

The rest of the rooms let by queer folk

One or two behind every door

It was cold that winter, bitterly

Froze the noses off the faces

Of waiters and waitresses

Walking to the T, rushing to catch the T

Started to know this city’s not for me 

When even the waitresses were PhDs

I don’t want to compete. I just want to leave

I just want to leave

Between the creeping cold and the drudgery,

The lonely jobs that didn’t fit me

I was looking to leave. I was looking to leave

The misfit jobs that didn’t fit me

Leaving Boston

The sweet South calling me

Just needed someone to follow

Needed someone to lead

Someone with a fire in their belly

Someone to follow

Someone to lead

I was walking out into the street

The middle of Mass Ave in the middle of the week

One stop from Harvard Square

I was ready to go anywhere

In this city of geniuses

Even the waitresses

Are PhDs, I don’t want to compete

I just want to leave

I’m looking for less concrete

I am looking for trees

Too many people if you need the T

I’m looking for space where I can breathe 

What I Believed Last November

Audio

 

I throw myself down onto the grass and lie

I throw myself into the arms of a tree and hang on as the wind comes rushing by

I press my heart into the ground and hang on as the world goes spinning around

I don’t believe in anything but I know the dirt is real

The tree in my grasp and the wind I can feel

I turn my face to the sun and hide from the cold

I remember nothing before I was born and I know I’m growing old

I believe birdsong in spring makes the heart leap 

The lullaby of a baseball game on the radio on a midsummer’s night lulls you to sleep

Cicadas mean the end of summer

The cry of a bird of prey on a winter’s day only pierces the lonely

I believe in endless cups of tea

And a simple meal’s the best way to warm your belly

Failing that is laughter

Or a drink and a smoke and taste you won’t remember til after

Endless cups of tea

Things that you can feel and taste, things that you can see

If that makes somebody sad it’s just because they want you to have what they have

Cinnamon and woodsmoke

Fresh mint leaves crushed between the teeth

Dinner on the stove, fresh baked bread

Kissing the top of a sleeping baby’s head

Come Down Off the Mountain

I wrote this song while I was driving home from Arkansas.

Audio

Give me no more of this mountain

That the old ones call the hills

Give me no more of the shadows

Of the old Ozark hills

Give me no more of these speeches

Or the flags that strangers fly

Or the unfamiliar tongues

Or the strange god that hears their cry

Get me down off the mountain

Get me down from these hills

Get me off this winding highway

I don’t want to be there still

I don’t want the scenic byways

I don’t want the overlook

Do not take the mountain highroad

Though it promises the view

It’s up here winter’s coming early

And the leaves have start to turn

I feel the chill

In the shadows of the old Ozark hills

Come on down off of the mountain

Come on down off of the hills

Come on down through the winding highway

Past the shadow of the hills

Leave the gullies and the valleys 

And the rivers down below

Get out of the mountain shadows 

Before fall colors go

Drive away from the Delta

Drive away from the pines

Drive away from the red rolling hills

And the old iron mines

I don’t want to hear your stories 

Or place your stone among my cares

I don’t want your gifts of kindness

To carry with me everywhere

Give me mess and honest anger

Give me all my troubled sons

Give me one day of honest work

And spice for the tongue

Give me my red cedars

And the pin oaks of my land

And the friendly facing rises

And the dirt where they stand

It’s the gentle sloping shoulders 

Of your grandma in repose

It’s the easy rolling highway

Like a shrug of I suppose

Now I’ve gone so long I’ve traveled

Now I know what is home

It’s the place that you return to

When everything’s gone wrong

Where you sink into your loved ones

And say this is what it is

What it should be this is where forever

Now until the end.

Come on down off the mountain

Come on down from the hills

Come on down the winding highway

With its soon creeping chill

Let’s go down off the mountain

Let’s go down out of the hills

Let’s go down the winding highway

Why do you linger there still

Come on home.

 

Walking in Circles

Audio

I’m walking in circles

I can’t find my head

I checked the table, the counter, the workbench

The dresser, the bed

I don’t know why

I can’t keep a thought

I’m like a memoir cut into ribbons and

Strewn like tinsel on something someone else bought

I see a notebook

I look for a pen

Then I remember I’m looking for you

And I begin to look again

I walk in circles

I find myself drifting from room to room

I’m not angry or sad or impatient

I’m too lost to be doom and gloom

You ask me a question

I chase the answer down a hole

It’s not wonderland or wild geese I’m chasing

It’s what you do to my lost soul

You tell me a story

I stop and turn to you

I know there was something I was supposed to be doing

But I feel the unraveling end is coming soon

You make me laugh 

You make me stop and smile

If I have to be circling I want to circle around you

If you make me stop I’ll happily stay a while

I’m walking in circles 

I find myself drifting from room to room

Maybe I’m circling around you

Or maybe I recall I’m looking for you

 

Again and Again

Audio

Lyrics by Rainer Maria Rilke

Again and again, however we know the landscape of love
and the little churchyard there, with its sorrowing names,
and the frighteningly silent abyss into which the others
fall: again and again the two of us walk out together
under the ancient trees, lie down again and again
among the flowers, face to face with the sky.

Lucky

Lucky Audio

C  F

I’m lucky because the dogs are in the yard

C G 

They’re sleeping in the sun, that’s where they like to be.

C F 

The dogs are lucky because they can run free

C     G 

And yet they’re here with me, that’s where they like to be.

Chorus

C  F

And oh I’m lucky cuz

G Am

I’m in the middle of you and me

C 

And that’s where I like to be
C  G

Oh I’m lucky. Who knows how lucky I can be?

C F

I’m lucky because we got some rain

C G  

It made the flowers bloom and they’ll bloom again.

C F 

The grass is green, the air it smells so sweet,

C G 

The scent is on the breeze, The smell of luck coming to me

Chorus

 

C F 

And oh I’m lucky because the stars are shining bright

C G 

And look the moon is out tonight

C F 

And oh I’m lucky because I can see the moon

C G  

And even when it’s new it comes round again real soon

Chorus

 

C F 

And oh I’m lucky because I got you

C G 

You are lucky because you got me

C  F

And oh we’re lucky, we’re really lucky

C  G

You know how lucky, how lucky we can be.

Chorus

Lonely

Audio

 

C
One look at you and it makes me so lonely
F
Looking at you that’s how I know I’m lonely too and
Dm
More I see you more I feel I’m the only one here
G
But can’t see you leave without feeling that I’m losing you too

C
What is, what is being lonely except
F
You’re here but you’re not really with me and
Dm
We two used to be together but now
G
I am all alone while you’re standing right here with me
 
Chorus
 

C                             F
Oh god, I’m so lonely
G
You know I’m only me
C
That’s why I’m lonely now
 
You tell a joke and it makes me feel sad and
I quit telling jokes cuz you never think I’m funny and
You don’t really listen when I tell you what I’m dreaming
We’re not watching the same movie and your heart no longer sings with mine

Chorus
 
Remember when we used to dance in the kitchen and
It wasn’t so long ago we took a walk together and
You said you would throw your life away for me
And I said I would go to hell and back for you and

Chorus